First Unitarian Church
I chose this group to end my Christian church goings. Apparently the Unitarians were once on the Christian side of things, and have moved on to a more liberal free for all. So it seemed like a good transition from Christian churches to whatever I move on to next.
It was a nice building, modern-ish. It was odd seeing a big chalice on the the wall instead of some Christian alter. There were quite a few people in attendance, all ranging in age. It was an interesting sermon. It had the same pattern as Christian churches, but without the Jesus part really. There was music, some people talking, pastor person talking, some more music, people wanting money, and leaving blessings. The discussion was a good one, something everyone should think about in general, but it just didn't feel.....like anything. It was just a good topic of discussion, I felt no divine influence at all. I actually felt like whatever influence I may have was stunted being in the building.
The topic of the day was the religious aspects of gardening and caring for the earth, treading lightly, etc. Excellent topic!
I'm not sure what to say....it's a big fat no on this one. I hope good things for them and their church, and I appreciate their openness and forward thinking-ness. Just not for me.
So here marks the end of my Christian-ish church tour. We are now moving on to more intense Pagan groups and throw in a little Buddhist. Perhaps this week I may write a reflection on Christianity vs Me. We'll see.
Religious Tour Schedule Update:
St. Joseph's Catholic Church - Feb 6, 2011
Pagan Coven - Feb 9, 2011
Maumee Valley Church - Feb 20, 2011
St. Paul's Episcopal Church - March 6, 2011
First Unitarian Universalist Church - March 27, 2011
Toledo Zen Center
Pagan Group 2
Harmony in Life Center
Jewish (unknown location/group)
I've been thinking since I've gotten a little taste of some organizations, when I finish my places to visit I might pick a couple organizations to spend a month with. Go to their events and read up on their faith. Yeah, I'm going to do that.
Religious Tour Schedule Update:
St. Joseph's Catholic Church - Feb 6, 2011
Pagan Coven - Feb 9, 2011
Maumee Valley Church - Feb 20, 2011
St. Paul's Episcopal Church - March 6, 2011
First Unitarian Universalist Church
Toledo Zen Center
Pagan Group 2
Harmony in Life Center
Jewish (unknown location/group)
Pagan Group 1 (Part 2)
Possible Month Organizations:
Episcopalians
"Musically and as a philosophy of life, the more honest and straightforward you are the less you have to lose. And when you're being really direct and honest about things whether it be a conversation or a song nobody can really diss you"
Nothing went as planned this weekend, at all. Certainly, that's nothing unusual for me, especially when my friends mingle into the picture.
As most people know, this weekend was the first day of spring (basically), so I had two to three Pagan events to hit this weekend, that I was actually excited about. Saturday night I was originally supposed to meet with the Pagan group I met with - their reception after ceremony actually. I was really interested in meeting them in their element, but this all got canceled due to time constraints. I find this confusing; I know people are generally way too busy for their own good, but how does one cancel a holiday? This left me open to attend the other Pagan group's spring ritual on Saturday night. Naturally, this didn't happen either.
It appears that every Pagan holiday, someone from Illinois decides to visit. I love visits, but I'm not open about my odd spiritual life to everyone. Very few people actually. I spent all week thinking of a reasonable excuse to leave my friends at 9 at night. What kind of meeting does one have at 9 at night that they have to attend alone? I never really came up with a good answer, turns out I didn't have to due to cancellations. So, over dinner Mike blurts out "Oh! tell them about your religious tour!" I think he does these things to me on purpose. Here's the laydown of friends at the table:
K: self proclaimed non-church going Catholic, but a bit aware of my odd take on things and fine with it
C: self proclaimed not really practicing anything person - but as a youngster went to Baptist church...someone I'd be okay with saying a couple things about my ideas with
P: practicing Catholic. Gave up three or four things for Lent.....NOT comfortable running my mouth. Although he's a good guy...not comfortable.
Thankfully at this point in my tour, I've mostly visited Christian folk.....I just omitted my stints in Paganism. Although I realize that all of them are aware of where I stand. C & P went to high school with me.... and oh man was that a hoopla. There was a group of girls who exclaimed to be Christian and you can insert this phrase from them "A WITCH!" Needless to say, they are probably aware....but I haven't personally acknowledged any things ever said about me on this topic, so I just go with that. If you want to know I've never referred to myself as a witch. Also, Mike has a habit of telling people about me and not telling me what other people know about me. He told his brother to not get trashed around me because of things I've been through. Although that's nice of both of them....someone should have let me know. So, most likely, everyone is well aware of my not really witchery.
I just said where I've been too, no details. But they were all curious and P actually offered to answer any questions I have about Catholicism. Unfortunately, I don't have any because I'm really just looking for a place the speaks to me, the details I'll get in step two. I know there's some sort of influence on me, I can feel it....the problem is I don't know how to actually hear/feel that influence clearly. The only times I get close is probably after some alone yoga...and all the influence is pointing in one direction, and it's not Christianity.
I took a Religious Tour break this past weekend. I figured I was at the end of my Christian church spree....Unitarian doesn't count...they're more like all purpose. It might be worth taking some time to reflect on the past couple weeks with that, as confusing as they were.
I thought I'd give a weekly money check up, something different.
The Tour:
St. Joseph's Catholic Church - Feb 6, 2011
Pagan Coven - Feb 9, 2011
Maumee Valley Church - Feb 20, 2011
St. Paul's Episcopal Church - March 6, 2011
First Unitarian Universalist Church
Pagan Spring Celebration Reception
Other Pagan Group Spring Fling
Toledo Zen Center
Harmony in Life Center
**Thinking about adding Jewish....I don't think that's one of those I can just go to, but it might be worth meeting with someone from that too. Although I do not think anything is wrong with real Islam, it doesn't speak to me at all so that's why it's not on this list.
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The late night musings are always the worst...or perhaps the best. The late night is when everything comes out in a very real, honest way, but some days I just don't want to deal with it again. I meant for this to be a religious tour blog, but all of this is on the same path. If the pain and hurts of life aren't addressed, then I won't get anywhere on any spiritual path.
What I know about any hurt is that I can't turn it away. If I want to go to bed, but that hurt, that monster, comes up..I have to sit and work through it or it will not cease. It will just continue to get worse and that much harder to work through the next night it decides to rear it's ugly head. What is interesting about the hurt tonight is that it's not facing the hurt just to recognize it's there, again. It's there this time with the aura of potential.
In short, I took another big hit to the heart and soul earlier this week. Again, I've also learned that with new hurt and pain I have to work through it immediately, or it turns out to haunt my mind and soul. So, I refuse to let this one add to the hurt I already have built up from when I was too young to properly work through pain by myself. I think I should clear this up:
Old hurt- The things that happened to me as an adolescent and very young adult. Although I got the strength to take care of the situations that arose, they're haunting. I did not have the knowledge to work through them when they happened. They got hidden as I tried to move on and improve my life. Now they sit there, almost unworkable. They've made themselves apart of my soul, to come out at the worst moments of who I am. I've been wondering if the way to get rid of these hurts is to unlock them and let my mind go crazy for a while. Problem is, to unleash the monster (lets say)...I can't take that by myself. I need a referee. At the moment it's a blessing that these hurts are so tied into each other locked away in the depths of my soul....because they can't be added to. On the religious tout topic, I feel that the Pagan group I met with will force me to work through this one, to let it out and see what happens.
A couple tunes for this hurt:
Lets say this could be from my perspective:
and this it could be the hurts perspective (its like it's own entity):
New Hurt: New hurt is all the thing that have happened past the age of say 20, most notably this week. This hurt has an aura of learning through the pain, to me at least. I can't run away from it, and I just try to work through it. I felt my heart break on Monday, and I've experienced hurt and sadness in recent years, but not that. I had to seriously consider turning away from everything. EVERYTHING. This was the first time in seven years I seriously had to consider what was best for me. Let me tell you about love...I apparently reside on the autistic spectrum and I don't see things as many people do. I can't define Love for you, and I'm not a fan of affection in general. I realized that I love my fiance, because he is the only person in my life I actively want to forgive. He's the only person I've allowed to hurt me and I work to forgive, but I recognize that even though his actions hurt me....they hurt him more. And I'm truly sorry for that. People make mistakes and in this case I choose to work through it, forgive and move on.
A Tune for this pain too:
This turned out to be a rather liberating...but disturbing thought process tonight.
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